I am the very model of a medical practitioner,
And there are even those who claim that I am a magicioner.
Some doctors like to give you tests and some will throw the book at you,
But I know what your problem is the moment that I look at you!
My annotated pharmacopia is always by my side.
I know a lot of remedies that you have never even tried!
There's not a system in your carcass that is not old news to me:
Before I go to sleep at night, I read from Gray's anatomy!
Whenever you are out of sorts, I'll respond with alacrity.
In urgent situations I would even give you ECT!
In short, in pharmaceutical and surgical and herbal lore
I am the very model of the medic you are looking for.
I'll diagnose your every ill and I won't even charge a fee.
With earnest concentration I could execute brain surgery!
In mysteries of medicine there is no knowledge that I lack:
I've researched every malady, for I'm a hypochondriac!
(A Gilbert & Sullivan parody, which has been performed in public in the context of a summer camp skit, and has been published in a little book of Northern Ontario poetry.)